Delivering My First Eulogy - Dad's Dedication 8/3/13
Dad - I haven't delivered a speech in years. I can only hope that you were proud of what I prepared for you that day.
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Dad's Eulogy - Read on 8/3/2013
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton
Rowland Heights, CA
When I was approached about delivering a eulogy today, I couldn't help but feel worried and unqualified. Sadly the only person who is worthy of carrying out such an important dedication is the same man we are honoring today.
After writing his obituary for his funeral program, I went back and tried to reflect on what else I could say about our dad. I was reminded of an early morning conversation with my sister and our mom. Overcome with heartache - went through all of the “why’s:” ---- Why us? Why dad? Why now? We’re so happy, so settled. Our family is stronger than ever. WHY?!!! Mom said that she wants to believe that there is a lesson behind all of this, though to be honest, none of us could think of it that day.
Now a little over a week since he’s passed away, I continue to marinate on that thought – IS there a lesson here for us?
I’ve read somewhere that God doesn’t waste a hurt. And this…THIS definitely HURTS. I’ve never experienced a grief so profound and life-changing. Our dad has always been a strong advocate of higher learning and persevering through hardships. Perhaps THAT was the lesson? I sat in front of my laptop – with dad’s face as my screensaver – and that’s when it hit me: I need to take the one emotional state that’s taken over our entire lives for the last 8 weeks, and turn it into something that may help us process through this hollow pain. The lesson is within our grief.
G-R-I-E-F.
G stands for GRATITUDE
The quality of being thankful; readiness to show deep appreciation for and to return kindness.
If you’re sitting in this church, it is likely that you or someone you know has benefitted from my dad’s generosity. I am definitely a recipient as well. And for many years, I’ve struggled to understand why dad used to emphasize SO much on “utang na loob.” In my ignorance, I used to resent his preaching. I thought to myself, Giving is something that should be extended freely, with no strings attached or unfair expectations for reciprocity. But I’m finally starting to understand that the act of giving has nothing to do with the gratitude it should evoke.
So what is gratitude? It’s a deceptively simple word, yet so hard to articulate. And since I still have many miles to go on my journey towards enlightenment, I can only tell you my opinion on what gratitude is NOT.
Gratitude is not the ability to find the silver lining around murky clouds. That, my friends, is called positive thinking. Gratitude is not regret. In many ways, the present moment is all that we have. When you’re grateful for the present, you see past regrets as necessary steps to get where you need to be. Gratitude is not striving for and obtaining the brass ring. Feeling fortunate and celebrating victory is wonderful - but no one reaches the mountaintop alone.
So there, I’ve said what gratitude is not. But, much like love, gratitude is something you have to experience to fully know what it is. I truly believe that our dad understood this word to the core. He lived it - exemplified it - and he required it from most of the people in his life. It is my hope that in this leg of the journey, I will learn to practice gratitude the way that our dad taught us.
R is for RELATIONSHIP
The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected.
Joe Tumambing was an exceptional tipper. He believed in always leaving 20% for servers wherever he dined. And if our party was large, he’d personally hand them an additional $10 - $20 bucks in cash on top of that hefty tip. And in response to our protests, dad used to say, “These people work really hard for minimum wage. Can you imagine… doing all of this? I want them to feel good that they’re doing something to sustain themselves. Perhaps this will give them good incentive – maybe show them that a little extra effort might get them farther.”
He was really astute about life and people.
Dad taught us that the connections we make are central to a successful life. If you accomplish all your material goals but you do not attend carefully to your relationships, you will end up empty, alone and miserable. But if you build wonderful relationships with people who genuinely care about you, and whom you equally care about, then no matter what happens in the outside world, you will still be happy.
I is for IMPORTANT
Of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.
In a world chock-full of distractions, focusing on what’s truly important can be hard. We get fixated on our immediate needs and ignore the “bigger picture.” We get lost in toxic relationships that yield no long-term happiness.
Family is important. Both of our parents taught us that. They made sure that we all felt responsible for one another. We HAD to take care of each other - NO excuses. And before we knew it, what started out as this guilt-induced Jedi mind trick, soon transcended to unconditional love, respect and regard. There is absolutely nothing we wouldn’t do for our family. That’s a character trait that my dad upheld until he took his final breath.
E is for EMBRACE
An act of accepting or supporting something willingly or enthusiastically.
While most 7 year-olds are gearing up for 2nd grade, at 7 dad was selling ice cream to help sustain his large family. I can only imagine how daunting it must have been to help feed a family at such a young age. Dad embraced the opportunity to support his parents in any way that he could. All he asked for in exchange was a chance to obtain an education. Dad sold ice cream everyday after school until well into his early adult life. Things later came full-circle after he landed a top management position at Magnolia Ice Cream. Pretty cool for a local kid from Pasig was who was teased and called “Betet.”
Dad’s commitment and work ethic was unparalleled. He taught us that even the most difficult or mundane task can become more than ever imagined. You just need to put your best foot forward and step up to the challenge with your whole heart.
F is for FAITH
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
Battling dad’s pancreatic cancer was – singlehandedly – THE hardest thing we’ve ever had to do as a family. The emotional and physical toll it takes out of you is difficult to explain unless you have been through the struggle yourself.
And for nearly 7 weeks, our entire family banded together to ensure that our dad was always surrounded with love – and cared for with dignity. There were times when dad grew tired of the situation. He hated losing his autonomy. And when nothing seemed to pacify him, prayer always brought him back to us. It brought a calm to his face that can only be attributed to his devout faith in God.
During his final days on Earth, Dad taught us that faith is an expression of hope for something better. It is more than a belief – because belief is rooted in the mind. Faith is based in the language of the heart. We act in faith when there is no guarantee, no certainty. Just an expression of hope and that was enough.
Dad – I’m humbled to be here to represent our family. Thank you for loving us – and for never giving up. We will continue to honor your light and legacy by teaching our kids and their kids follow in your footsteps. We miss and love you – so much.
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